Sunday, June 14, 2009
My roommates are starting to get annoyed with my obsession with that song, but I can't really help it 'cause it's like Passion Pit crawled into my head and figured out exactly what I like in music and then wrote the song. I have written about singing while riding my bike before, but adding hand claps is a recent thing.
I had kind of a bad time last night. It started out fine, having a beer with an old acquaintance while we talked about making art and relationships (my two fav things to talk about), but devolved as my good mood took the predicted nose-dive. Predicted because I know what makes me crazy (not eating right, drinking too much and not sleeping) and even though I'm aware of those things, I still do them.
This was exacerbated by the presence of one person who I am struggling to be friends with and another person who - despite my best efforts to be 'over' our little tryst - I still cannot comfortably be around unless I am feeling at my awesomest. I tried to rally for the naked bike ride; by rally I mean splitting a can of Sparks. That didn't work. I tried to rally to go dancing - this time with three beers and a shot of tequila with Rachel.
Well, Rachel and I made it downtown. I downed some bourbon and tried to get down, but I don't think any DJ could have saved my party at that point. Then Rachel bought us absinthe. I tried to talk to her, because all I really want to do lately is talk. I miss having conversations. It was too late. I said goodbye to my roommate, slipped through the throngs of Pride go-ers and hailed a cab I couldn't afford.
And woke up this morning with a horrible taste in my mouth, feeling bad for ditching Rachel and not having the where-with-all to do the naked bike ride, something I've always wanted to do. All of it is my fault; treating myself badly makes me hate this place. I don't hate Portland, I just hate the part of myself that doesn't listen to myself because really, all this bad feeling could be easily prevented.
And I was having such a great week otherwise. Stupid girl.