Wednesday, December 31, 2008
"I know where you live, fucker" is my new favorite phrase that I never get to say.
A little bit heavy on the swears, perhaps, but the f-word is one of the most perfect in the English language. Part of me is really this angry at 2008 but another part of me is glad, since the whole 'trial by fire' experience has forced me to take a couple more steps towards the mystical realm of being growed up.
There are still t-shirts and #6 of the zine for sale in the shop! Check it out.
And, happy New Year, y'alls. Best wishes to you and I hope I see you out tonight. If you see me around midnight, give me a kiss cause we both deserve it.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
I am too lazy/drank too much VOB to draw Jonathan, sorry, though he is breathtakingly majestic.
I got the t-shirts tonight. I will make the buying them available sometime tomorrow, though Liv is in town and she is breathtakingly distracting.
Milkyboots #6 is still out and you should still buy it, here, for the fabulously low price of $2.
Doing that, I just realized I made a mistake in the listing (ie the quantity). So sorry for anyone who tried to order it and it wasn't there! It is now!
Friday, December 19, 2008
My Fall zine/diary thing is now available! You can buy it here or you can get a copy at Skull Alley or Cherry Bomb after I drop them off tomorrow. Buy it buy it buy it!
I think it might be time to stop drinking ... last night I told some girl who looked like Williamsburg threw up on her that she looked fantastic.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
I went to the Nach Bar last night to meet up with Cory so we could nerd out and from the moment I got there until this morning everything has been hilarious. I was accosted by some drunk girl in the bathroom who asked me if I was a lesbian ten seconds after she met me and pretty much indicated that she wanted me to take her, right then, despite there being no lock on the door, holes in the door and a crowd of hipsters right outside. Since I am a gentleman (and she wasn't my type) I did not.
Soon afterwards Amy showed up and we went to Seidenfadens where, instead of having karaoke, they were showing a video of people singing karaoke. Then Amy and I got really stuck on the idea of breakfast and went home early so breakfast would come sooner.
It doesn't sound as funny written down. Oh well.
News: Milkyboots #6 by the end of the week. T-shirts by Friday. My parents are lending me their truck to move. Soon, soon, I will be wading through the muddy puddles of Portland.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Or, I am lazy and just want to take a shower and watch Donnie Darko, leave me alone, the internet.
I really am very excited about what I drew today, but it will pass. I am fickle about my drawings. Everytime I put some time into one I think it's the best thing ever until a couple months later when I think it's contrived crap. Feelings ... WHATever.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Thanks to Cory for inviting me out last night and by doing so, answering this burning question. His friends were some pleasant fellows and Cory is, as always, a delight.
It looks like the "Milkyboots is the New Awesome" design won, despite a last minute vote from Liv. I've sent the image to Skull Alley and it should only be a matter of time now. I requested white ink on a purple shirt.
It looks like I may be registering the domain name 'unibrowsarethenewbeards.com'. It is my ticket to fame and fortune.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
The other thing about Anxietea (tm) is that instead of normal labels it comes wrapped in your credit card bills and student loan information.
I was having some anxiety last week. I'm better now.
Also I really wanted to call JWoolard 'Wooltard'. She does have magical art skills.
In other news, I will be in Bloomington this weekend for Liv's birthday. I will be dressed as a rabbit (my spirit animal, according to the internet) and may get made out with!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Alright you peeps, instead of a comic today, you are voting on t-shirt designs! Here is choice #1:
And here is choice #2:
And this one I did just for me:
Now, I'm not saying this is as important as when you voted last month, but it might be. It just might be. Leave a comment about which one is your favorite!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
As it turns out, the car they actually gave me was nearly as ridiculous. I named her Andromeda because it seemed to fit. I'm a little sad, because it's going to be awhile before I'm around that good of a stereo system again.
Expect t-shirt designs sometime this week!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Or, Happy Disacknowledging Genocide Day!
Or maybe not. We'll see. If you are wondering what Thursgay is, it is neither as horrible or as awesome as it sounds.
This is going to be my last list on Milkyboots, because if I see another list on the internet I will vomit.
10 for Thanksgiving (not in order)
-Howard Zinn, who is so great it makes me cry
-my hair having grown out enough that I don't *think* people are assuming things about my sexual orientation anymore
-E for Explosion, who sound like the Jealous Sound plus everything that was wrong with early-aughts emo-pop, and I don't care
-the one government subsidy I receive
-my friends and family
-Lyra, Pony and my 'puter
-that I am, despite my best efforts, American
-all the musicians and artists that hold my little heart together
-myself, for being the awesomest Virginia I can be
+1 All y'all out there reading this!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
This one's for my SF peeps. Mark Gonzales is a strange fellow, and is not afraid of approaching random cyclists on their way to buy tortillas from the 24-hour grocery store.
The new Bejeezus is officially out and can be found at these fine shops.
I will be going to Decatur, IL, one of the most depressing places in America, for thanksgiving, but I will still be posting like regular. It will be a wonderful weekend of trying to explain my dietary restrictions and drawings, and also subtle hints about how I should either be makin' babies or going to law school. But I have ammunition! I am thinking (not very hard) about going back to school at PSU for linguistics. Or etymology. That should keep 'em happy, right?
Sunday, November 23, 2008
And that was the abrupt end of a potentially interesting conversation.
The corporate American flag is a product of Adbusters, a magazine I vaguely remember being good in 2002.
I'd say something interesting about my life right now, but honestly, I've barely spoken to another human being outside of work all week.
By the way, I'm moving to Portland (OR) in January. I thought I'd told everyone, but people still act surprised.
The new Bejeezus is out this week. I have a comic in it! And it's full of other good stuff besides.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
And that was the last time I tried to talk to any of the doctors that come into the bakery. Poor guy was so embarrassed I don't think he ever came back.
As y'all may have noticed, I've been posting a lot more. I am trying to put up a new comic every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday for your time-wasting pleasure. So barring any more complications in the tragi-comedy that has been 2008, that will be the schedule. I am also trying to hit #100 by the end of the year.
Also, keep the t-shirt color ideas coming!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
I realized this morning that my last comic will make no sense if you haven't read Milkyboots #5. Perhaps you should buy it.
If nothing else, at least you weren't sobbing your eyes out because of a song about a cat that runs away at seven this morning. Remember that.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Look, there's evidence that I actually can draw in the background. Still practicing with the tablet. "Awesome Selling Technique" is borrowed from James Kolchalka's Amazing Sales Technique, though I really did say that to some ladies.
I think I nailed my look of utter terror pretty well. Art shows are scary! Thanks to everyone who bought stuff last week.
I'm going to go interact with human beings who aren't trying to buy coffee from me now.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I might be happy forever (or maybe a week) if I had one of these:
I'm also adding Jeffrey Rowland to the list of web-comix makers who I would happily spend the rest of my life with. (Honestly, there is only one other person on the list, and I think they work together.)
One more thing: While I try to be fair-minded all the time, could you maybe not shoot me evil looks from your Escalade while I'm riding my bike to work in the freezing rain with a cold so your stupid, high fructose corn syrup-addled kids might have a planet to live on when they grow up? Thnx.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I love stupid photoshop brushes.
Other suggestions include: talking to your cat, working too much, stumbleupon, MMORPG (for people with a better 'borrowed' internet connection than mine), alcohol, making up 8 million projects to work on then not working on them but obsessing about the fact that you're not working on them (exactly), more alcohol and texting JWoolard about inane bullshit.
P.S. I think that's pretty close to what I say to myself when I come home drunk, but honestly, I can't really remember.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
This conversation did not actually happen.
I've been reading the McSweeney's book of lists today, so ...
Things That Happened Yesterday That Are Amazing, Despite Which, I am Still Depressed:
-I made $50 at the art show
-Someone who I don't really like (but also don't really know) bought something from me (No, it wasn't you, Tiffany. I like you.)
-I discovered I was mentioned in an article in the DC web magazine The New Gay, sandwiched in a paragraph between Daniel Clowes and Phoebe Gloeckner.
-Lil' Laura bit me like six times
Friday, November 7, 2008
I am going to be at this show, selling my art work:
And other stuff. Afterwards, go to the Clay Buffet for art by Derek Byrd and music by Skyscraper Stereo.
And just to make this the most picture-heavy post ever, here is my sexy bruise:
Bloomington ladies are fierce!
Correction of my oft-quoted (ha!) Critical Mass post: Pat told me he is not a Republican and actually he voted for Obama.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Here's two comics, cause I've been slacking.
I wish I'd had time to draw Lucy, but I'm on my lunch break. Don't worry, I voted. And even watched election coverage.
1. Would describing one of my friends as "a big, tall bucket of sex" be inappropriate?
2. Would said friend then describe me as "a small, short bucket of sex"?
3. Is "Kentucky Amazon sex goddess" perhaps a better descriptor for said friend?
4. This is the kind of thing I think about on my bike ride home from work, when I'm not writing angry letters to my mortal enemies in my head.
Yay! Liv's in town!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
... rather anticlimatically, as it turns out. I walked into Katherine's pumpkin carving party on Monday and there was Kirby, carving the same face into a much larger pumpkin. But there's still the strange corn incident.
All true. I did make JWoolard drop her cigarette and I have started playing Oberin, a MMORPG (I just learned what that stood for). To make it even geekier, it is a game for Mac users only. So far the only things I'm good at in the game are eating, getting presents from my fellow players and leading monsters to the same unsuspecting fellow players while I'm trying to run away. Honestly, it's a pretty poor replacement for Woolard, who I am going to miss to pieces.
There was something else ...
Oh yes, my tentative top ten for 2008:
Cut Copy - In Ghost Colors
Why? - Alopecia
The Most Serene Republic - Population
Foals - Antidotes
The Notwist - The Devil, You + Me
Ladytron - Velocifero
And I can't remember the rest right now.
I remembered a few more ...
Crystal Castles - s/t
Goldfrapp - Seventh Tree
Sorry, Allan, I haven't listened to the new Girl Talk, but I've still got two months to go.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
First off, who the fuck keeps leaving produce on my porch? First the corn. Then on Friday I came home from work to find a fully carved pumpkin on my deck. No note or anything.
Today is the first day in a long, long time that I have actually been happy. It feels amazing! I had a plan for last night and accomplished everything I set out to do at JWoolard, Will and Marianne's going away party:
-cry (Well, I teared up when Woolard said she'd miss me. Close enough.)
-got in the photobooth with Woolard
-made out with someone
-had fun, made it home safely and went to bed alone
I had a nice walk to Star's this afternoon to get my bike. The weather is perfect today. Sigh.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sorry, about the lack of posts everyone (by everyone I mean Paul and JWoolard). I don't have an excuse, so I'm not gonna pretend.
I actually have thought of a couple posts, but mostly I have been so fabulously crabby that I thought whatever I wrote would be too mean.
Does anyone else have balsamic vinegar spots all over their keyboard?
10 for 20
-The Most Serene Republic "Sherry and her Butterfly Net"
-my surrogate dad who just tipped me a twenty (don't worry he's gay)
- toothbrush + Simple Green = immaculate bike chain
-my sexy new helmet
-Natalie the Librarian bringing me delicious soup
-Owen "Poor Souls"
-being told "Don't worry honey, he'll propose." Hilarious, since I am painfully single (and intend to remain so)
-As the World Burns: 50 Simple Things You Can Do To Stay In Denial by Derrick Jensen and Stephanie McMillan. Read it and learn how 'the Man' made the Green Revolution.
-Pony, who is a reflection of my inner mental state. Four flats in a week and a half? Time to do some self-work.
-Being able to tell it's fall because Lyra has started sleeping on me again. Nothing like a twenty pound cat to keep you warm.
Monday, October 13, 2008
And she said, "Oh, I know EXACTLY what you mean."
Sunday, October 12, 2008
That's right, I'm holding a contest! My friend Megan O's wedding is next Sunday and one lucky MB fan* gets to be my date. I'm ripping off Mark (he had a contest for who would be his #8 on his myspace top 8), but I don't think he'll mind. So, if you want to enter, write a short essay about why I should take you to the wedding and send it to my email (vlpaine at yahoo dot com). I'll pick whoever I think did best by Friday.
From an actual conversation a couple hours ago:
*If such a person actually exists.
Friday, October 10, 2008
That's right, I actually went to the Pink Door last night. I may have even 'busted a move', but you'll have to ask Pam and Kirby for verification.
I read in the Times today that Oregon (or maybe just Portland) passed some big bill that sucked but tucked way in the back of it was a tax credit for bike commuters. Yay! Bike commuters get $20 a month for maintenance and repairs from their employers now.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Come to Critical Mass on Friday, Oct. 10 (5-6pm) to remember Jen and raise awareness of these issues:
-- Helmet safety - at her family's request, PLEASE show up wearing protective gear
-- Increased protection for cyclists, including increased funding for cyclist awareness campaigns for drivers and more bike lanes
-- Changing the culture of Louisville from car-centric to one that defers to alternative modes of transportation like cycling
We are meeting in the parking lot of Bardstown Road Presbyterian (they are not affiliated with this), biking down to the intersection of Baxter/Bardstown Road, then returning to the parking lot. We will pass the ghost bike, placed where Jen was hit. Her family has been made aware of this action and believes Jen would have supported it. ALL are invited, not just those who knew Jen.
I can't make it, but y'all should go.
In other news, I finally figured out why every day a little piece of my soul dies. It's because every day, I'm responsible for the emotions of many, many other people in addition to my own. It's called the service industry. My jobs aren't even that high stress. I would probably implode after about three hours of waitressing.
I will do my best to make my next post more normal milkyboots stuff ...
Sunday, October 5, 2008
The way I met Jen was emblematic of how she did things. About two and a half years ago, she walked up to Andrew and I in the Broadway Goodwill and said "I thought I knew all the bike punks in Louisville."
I didn't like her at first. There's even an entry in my diary in which I fantasize about challenging her to a fist fight. But something changed. I don't remember what it was. We started to get along.
At some point I told her I'd written a novel. A fantasy novel for kids, about a girl who unwittingly becomes the carrier of something with the power to save the world. It's called "The Courier." I let Jen read it, and because she was Jen, she loved it. She wrote commentary and notes of encouragement or suggestion throughout the manuscript. Honestly, I didn't use most of her suggestions; her writing style is a little more baroque than mine. On the last page she wrote "Will this flower be an important talisman someday? Way far in the future? Can a bicycle courier name her bike after Estni's horse?"
So how could I not write a sequel after that? I based the main character on the three biking-est women I know; Liv, Jen and myself. She had Liv's height and freckles, Jen's haircut, tough warrior spirit and slightly prickly personality, and my reticence and bicycle. (Side note: Liv was hit on her bike last year, sideswiped in the rain while riding to her job in Bloomington. She was all right, but her bike was totalled.)
And at the end of the story, the main character doesn't die. She has too much love for her country and her people, so she tranforms herself, at great cost, into a protective, nurturing spirit who watches over all the land.
Jen never got to read the sequel, but I think she would've approved.
I can't really make much sense of Jen's death right now. I hadn't realized that in writing the character's transformation, I'd written what Jen in there as well. She was a protective, nurturing spirit, who loved this city and her friends. There was magic in everything she did.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
I will forever remember 2008 as the year the world decided t....
anyway, this year has sucked for me and almost everyone I know.
My friend Jen Futrell was in a bike accident yesterday. Last I heard (last night) she is on a ventilator and they are letting non-family members see her. This is better than what I heard yesterday afternoon, but still not really good news.
All my love and prayers to you, Jen.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Please, I love you all, and I love Critical Mass. This is my opinion. This is just a blog, not myspace. (Ha!) Though I wish Broken Sidewalk hadn't printed my quote as though it was news. Maybe ask my permission next time?
Since you're here, wanna buy something?
Monday, September 29, 2008
I'm probably too conflicted to even try to write about this, but I'm going to try.
So, on Friday my friend Pat (friend: regular at the bakery who sometimes buys me a beer and gives me free tech support) had a bit of showdown with the kids doing Critical Mass. From his side of the story, they were being purposely aggressive and he had a wedding to get to. They were taking up the whole road (which is the point of Critical Mass) and harassing him. According to him. I like Pat, and he does ride bikes, but he is also a SUV-driving Republican.
I'm going to assume that both Pat and the bike kids were in the wrong here. I agree with the principles of Critical Mass and was even thinking about going on the ride. I believe in direct action. I have done Critical Mass before and I think it's a good way to make a statement about how unfriendly cities are to cyclists and the enjoyment of life in general. For me, group rides and Critical Mass especially have been about showing how much fun bikes can be and that commuting to work or wherever can be a joyful experience. It's not about making people driving feel like jerks.
It goes without saying then that I strongly disagree with the Critical Massers who looked up Pat's address and then went out and SPRAYPAINTED HIS FUCKING CAR. How are we supposed to get anything accomplished if we repeatedly prove to this city what assholes bike riders are? Yes, I know we are better because we ride all the time. So start acting like it. Don't let your anger control you. If you want to spraypaint something, spraypaint the fucking slaughterhouse. Or McDonald's or something. People in cars aren't the enemy.
They're just cyclists who don't know it yet.
And next time you're on the internet, try doing some reading about Critical Mass and direct action. We need to make this look easy and fun and we need to look good doing it. And that'll prove a bigger point than defacing my friend's car.
Unrelated 'Firefly' tirade:
They killed Wash! I can't believe they killed Wash! He was my favorite character. (Yes, I know I'm a bit late to the whole 'Firefly' thing. I get there eventually.)
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
So my friend Erica is starting a social networking site for Louisville-area queer ladies and tomorrow night is a silent auction to raise funds for this site. I have two pieces in the show. So you should come, and prove exactly how big an art whore you are.
It would mean a lot to me if JWoolard would come. (Even though I missed her video thing last week.)
This is true. I thought it was hilarious. All the charges were made this month, which is also silly, since I keep my credit card frozen in a cup of ice (so I can only use it if I plan ahead). It's been there since the beginning of August. I had to break the cup so I could call customer service.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Congratulations on being the creator of a new
Evil Plan (tm)!
Your objective is simple: World Domination.
Your motive is a little bit more complex: To show them all
To begin your plan, you must first expose a rich and powerful ceo. This will cause the world to give one another worried looks, baffled by your arrival. Who is this evil genius? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in classic black?
Next, you must seize control of the moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a obsidian citadel, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will weep uncontrollably, as countless hordes of classic thugs hasten to do your every bidding.
Finally, you must reveal to the world your secret death ray, bringing about the apocalypse. Your name shall become synonymous with all that is wrong with the world, and no man will ever again dare steal your woman. Everyone will bow before your extraordinary charisma, and the world will have no choice but to elect you dictator for life.
For all you non-Louisvillians, there was a huge storm (just wind, no rain unfortunately) last Sunday that knocked down trees and power lines all over the city, leaving three quarters of the city without electricity. Somehow, my house, which is surrounded on two sides by huge old trees and questionably attached power lines, survived unscathed.
Okay, back to work. I'm trying to write and my shoulder won't stop twitching. Weird.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Yes, I'm back. No, I haven't drawn any new comics, which has been pointed out. I am actually rather busy and my downtime in Wisconsin was spent ripping my CD collection onto my computer. The good news is if you want anything put out by Polyvinyl or Saddle Creek between 1995 and 2003 or any Pavement (or Her Space Holiday. Why the fuck did I buy so much Her Space Holiday?) I probably have it and can burn you a copy.
I did make one drawing while I was gone, with my mom. Who apparently thinks that she is a tree.
My mom is actually a pretty talented artist, but instead of drawing she wanders around muddy fields talking to farmers about fescue and nitrogen ratios.
10 for Wisconsin
-seeing my fam and Jenny and Chandra
-vegan pizza with pineapple and green olives from the Glass Nickel
-New Glarus beer
-Lake Louie beer
-Whatever beer I kept drinking at Maduro (On my last night there, the bartender asked if I wanted 'my beer' like I was a regular!)
-driving (I know, I know. But through the country on a sunny day with windows down, blasting the Jealous Sound ... perfect.)
-Doing crosswords at the Mermaid Cafe with Jenny
-how badly Chandra and I suck at pool
-the suit of armor my brother made
-my new green down vest with fur-trimmed hood (that I will not be able to put on again until December)
+1 -canning tomato salsa with my mom
Sunday, August 31, 2008
I will be back in Wisconsin from September 3rd to the 10th, hopefully working on some new tablet drawings for comics. I don't think I'll be posting, since my parents are the only people in the global north that still use dial-up. Also, my cell phone only works in one corner of the house and only for receiving texts.
It will be blissful.
While I'm gone, y'all should go the First Friday trolley hop and check out the show at NuLu. I have a piece in it (guess which one! it won't be hard.) and it's curated by my pals Hallie and Aron. Also, go to the Clay Buffet because they are awesome and will have DJs. I will be drinking Spotted Cow with Jenny at Genna's, wearing a hoodie and making fun of baby college students.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I haven't had time to do another blog comic, so I hope y'all will accept a list as a substitute. I made it in an attempt to de-stress.
Things I don't need to think about for the next week:
-the logistics of moving a cat, a bike, a sewing machine and myself to Portland
-exactly how gay I am
-artwork for the split with JWoolard
-artwork for the $10 art show
-whether or not I can actually afford a work off week
-whether or not I'm gaining weight
-being re-addicted to caffeine
-whether or not I'm fucking with anyone's heads
-rent, phone bill, LG&E
-all the other stupid inane stuff I worry about
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
The thing in my right hand is supposed to be a pear. Seriously, don't ride your bike like this. I'm cruising for a bruising, and not just of my fruity snack.
I am not feeling settled enough to write anything substantial, but I should mention that I have had a lot of stuff going on the last week and a half and have a lot more going on this weekend. Mostly good things, but still, my head may explode.
10 for 21
-Interstellar 5555 (The pilot's hair is amazing! I wish mine looked that awesome.)
-Allan Hough and serendipitous SF connections
-homemade oven fries
-temporary roommates/big slumber parties at my house
-Ray's serving beer
-my new, half-assed tattoo
-Derek's bug collection
-red wine with ice cubes (yeah, i'm trashy)
-Cursive "Staying Alive"