At Work.

I've been meaning to do this for awhile.

Things you learn working in a bagel store:

-only douchebags (both sexes) order lattes. Skim lattes, double douchebag. Soy decaf with splenda, fucking die.

-high school age girl jocks and the lesbians they grow up to be are the only people who eat banana nut bagels

-people who get combo bagels are often a little gnarly, ie white trash

-for some reason, everyone from another country who comes into the store is a complete asshole. I chastized a German customer once for asking for a bag (doesn't everyone in Europe use totes?), leading me to conclude that the EU is secretly exporting all its pretentious, eco-unconscious jackasses to the Highlands. The only exception to this is the bodybuilding couple from Eastern Europe.

-rich people are idiots. ex. A couple years ago when Beargrass Creek flooded and ran into a bunch of those huge houses, some guy whose basement had flooded came in and said "Now I know how those people in New Orleans feel!" No, no you fucking don't.

-people think muffins are good for them

-all little kids want cinnamon rolls, actually, all kids want is the grossest shit or the plainest shit we have

-all large groups of high school girls want hot chocolates

-if you consistently give someone chocolate croissants, they may marry you

-middle-aged white men do not pick up after themselves

-old people think it's funny that you don't like being awake at 6am

-I have never sold a man a cafe au lait