Tuesday, June 17, 2008

At Work.

I've been meaning to do this for awhile.

Things you learn working in a bagel store:

-only douchebags (both sexes) order lattes. Skim lattes, double douchebag. Soy decaf with splenda, fucking die.

-high school age girl jocks and the lesbians they grow up to be are the only people who eat banana nut bagels

-people who get combo bagels are often a little gnarly, ie white trash

-for some reason, everyone from another country who comes into the store is a complete asshole. I chastized a German customer once for asking for a bag (doesn't everyone in Europe use totes?), leading me to conclude that the EU is secretly exporting all its pretentious, eco-unconscious jackasses to the Highlands. The only exception to this is the bodybuilding couple from Eastern Europe.

-rich people are idiots. ex. A couple years ago when Beargrass Creek flooded and ran into a bunch of those huge houses, some guy whose basement had flooded came in and said "Now I know how those people in New Orleans feel!" No, no you fucking don't.

-people think muffins are good for them

-all little kids want cinnamon rolls, actually, all kids want is the grossest shit or the plainest shit we have

-all large groups of high school girls want hot chocolates

-if you consistently give someone chocolate croissants, they may marry you

-middle-aged white men do not pick up after themselves

-old people think it's funny that you don't like being awake at 6am

-I have never sold a man a cafe au lait


Paul said...

I haven't ordered a cafe au lait in years. I guess this means I am no longer a boy, but finally a man. Thank you for showing me the mile marker!

j. woolard said...

every morning i get a sun dried tomato bagel with cream cheese. unless i don't feel like cream cheese that day (which is rare), then i get a combo with butter. you're friends with a white trash red-neck! eat it!

Anonymous said...

It could be worse you could have to take phone orders, that "could you please read the menu to me", they always ask that at the busiest times!